人不是每一樣東西想要就會得到的，人生不斷地追求，金錢、事業、理想、愛情、親情、友情、健康、美貌... 當中我們又真正得到幾多，失去幾多？
追追遂遂，到最後又到底有多少人真正地覺得快樂？
有時一個人靜下來的時侯會有種失落，問自己生存是為著什麼？
不斷追求得不到的，卻同時失去原本擁有的，有時連自已也不知道值不值得。如果當初知道得到的同時等於失去，人的決定又是否一樣？
金錢、事業、理想、愛情、親情、友情、健康、美貌是不可以同時擁有，大部分人只可以得到其中兩至三樣。下次不妨停一停想一想當中到底那些此較重要，才不至到頭來得不償失...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I believe one day I will get over it
Today I can still feel the pain in my heart. I didn’t expect I would still have that feeling toward you after so long. I thought I am tougher now and should be able to face it, but I guess as a way I am still as weak as I used to be.
I clicked on your folder from my mail box today and read some of the emails. I feel that our relationship is really weird, like a race? I think both of us do have to take responsibility for that and maybe I am taking 70%? From the email you told me that you got over it and past is already past. After reading that again I would ask myself, if you once love someone so much and can get over it, then how come I can’t? Maybe I am really really stubborn. I know you have a stronger, tougher personality than I do. Or maybe it’s the different between men and women.
After reading that, even it is stabbing right through me, but I know it’s true. Actually I should understand you really well that you are the person that when love
a person, just deeply in love. But once it's over, you just have no more feeling anymore. Just like when you told me about responsiblity.
I beleive if you can, I will able to get over it some point in life as well, I guess I just need more time than you.
I clicked on your folder from my mail box today and read some of the emails. I feel that our relationship is really weird, like a race? I think both of us do have to take responsibility for that and maybe I am taking 70%? From the email you told me that you got over it and past is already past. After reading that again I would ask myself, if you once love someone so much and can get over it, then how come I can’t? Maybe I am really really stubborn. I know you have a stronger, tougher personality than I do. Or maybe it’s the different between men and women.
After reading that, even it is stabbing right through me, but I know it’s true. Actually I should understand you really well that you are the person that when love
a person, just deeply in love. But once it's over, you just have no more feeling anymore. Just like when you told me about responsiblity.
I beleive if you can, I will able to get over it some point in life as well, I guess I just need more time than you.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
當我想起你 Elaine
當我想起你
尋晚，一個大好嘅星期日晚，我冇留喺屋企成日對住個電視咁浪費時間，黃昏就同朋友打扮妥當出咗去聽concert。
你以為我哋去紅館？當然唔係啦，我哋去捧朋友場，去文化中心音樂廳聽交響樂。
喺攞飛前嘅一刻，都唔知會聽啲咩交響樂，反正知都冇用，我根本就唔識。
當從朋友手中拎咗張ticket一望 —— 係馬勒嘅第八交響曲。
對古典音樂毫無認知毫無天份嘅我，其實，連第五同第八交響曲都未必分得清。
不過，我好肯定我聽過，因為第一次去文化中心音樂廳，就係同舊男友一齊去聽馬勒，呢個係佢嘅 all time favourite。
今次坐喺裡面，我冇再瞓著覺，而係利用呢兩個鐘，寫咗一篇稿同諗起好多往事。
事隔幾年，我老咗憔悴咗，塊面多咗啲細紋，智慧冇增長到，依然一聽到classical music就會恰眼瞓。
但係，總算on the right track，我哋都總算on the right track。
忽然之間，好想返屋企拎嗰隻馬勒嘅CD，再聽多一次。
“再記起一些古老的心事
再記起心中一串開心的日子
曾在那似遠遠的以前
共你差不多天天都相見
曾話過那天起
你已屬我永不變
過去的經已不會再出現
遠去的一切只會更加遙遠
明白到各有各的去路
但我心中始終感到
曾共你愛過 暖暖的令我自豪”
尋晚，一個大好嘅星期日晚，我冇留喺屋企成日對住個電視咁浪費時間，黃昏就同朋友打扮妥當出咗去聽concert。
你以為我哋去紅館？當然唔係啦，我哋去捧朋友場，去文化中心音樂廳聽交響樂。
喺攞飛前嘅一刻，都唔知會聽啲咩交響樂，反正知都冇用，我根本就唔識。
當從朋友手中拎咗張ticket一望 —— 係馬勒嘅第八交響曲。
對古典音樂毫無認知毫無天份嘅我，其實，連第五同第八交響曲都未必分得清。
不過，我好肯定我聽過，因為第一次去文化中心音樂廳，就係同舊男友一齊去聽馬勒，呢個係佢嘅 all time favourite。
今次坐喺裡面，我冇再瞓著覺，而係利用呢兩個鐘，寫咗一篇稿同諗起好多往事。
事隔幾年，我老咗憔悴咗，塊面多咗啲細紋，智慧冇增長到，依然一聽到classical music就會恰眼瞓。
但係，總算on the right track，我哋都總算on the right track。
忽然之間，好想返屋企拎嗰隻馬勒嘅CD，再聽多一次。
“再記起一些古老的心事
再記起心中一串開心的日子
曾在那似遠遠的以前
共你差不多天天都相見
曾話過那天起
你已屬我永不變
過去的經已不會再出現
遠去的一切只會更加遙遠
明白到各有各的去路
但我心中始終感到
曾共你愛過 暖暖的令我自豪”
Timing
「Timing不對」，是眾多分手理由裡，最模棱兩可、卻又叫人無可反駁的一種。
Timing不對，泛指我不是不愛你的，只是嘛，你在錯誤時刻出現在我的生命裡，你所要的東西，將來很難說，但現在的我絕對沒有能力給你，所以啊，不是你錯也不是我錯，我也感到極度無可奈何，對不起，再見。
要多好聽便說得多好聽。
其實，簡單一點地理解，就是「我已經不愛你了」。只是，塗個「Timing不對」的化妝，看起來就沒那麼負心沒那麼絕情，讓自己的下台階可以走得順滑一點吧。
這種Timing不對，九成是瞎掰的，餘下的一成，就可能是傳說中所謂的「有緣無份」了，例如以下故事的兩位主角。
這一對男女，在職場上認識時各自有另一半，第一次見面已產生了「跟這人一起或許會很好」的好感，但大家都是成年人啊，要更換身邊人，需要顧慮的東西多了，已不像後生時那麼容易那麼灑脫。
這種好感留在心裡其實也不痛不癢，而且天天都會見到對方，就當是心裡一個小秘密吧！不久，女人為了到美國深造而辭職，在farewell時喝得醉醺醺的兩人，只差那麼一點點就發生事情（甚麼事情？不用畫出腸吧！）。
女人去了美國才兩個月，兩人奇蹟地於同一日因不同理由跟伴侶分手了。得悉對方回復單身後，男人卻認為慢慢來、讓大家的傷口都癒合後才行動比較合適，至少看起來不會太猴急吧！心裡卻盤算著飛過美國給她一個驚喜。三個月後，男人靜靜抵達美國大湖區，在女人上學的地方等，準備向她示愛。
有緣無份的是，女人等著等著，看男人好像沒意思表態，自己人在外地倍感寂寞又有人熱烈追求，由single重投in a relationship的陣營，誰能怪責她呢？男人看到她擁著一個老外同學步出校門，心裡一陣酸，但，這只能歸咎自己的龜速啊！
懷著被人捷足先登之痛，男人有一段長時間沉溺在失戀的情緒之中，而他也選擇做個沉默者，沒告訴女人說自己曾去美國找她，這樣好像能保有一點風度。
一年之間，二人的聯絡次數漸漸地減少，直至女人快將回港前，向男人訴說自己跟老外同學拍拖的始末（她以為他不知道），因為她要離開美國了，於是大家就和平分手。
這分明是在探聽男人的口氣嘛！可惜，她得到的答案是：「今天是我跟女友拍拖六個月的紀念日」。
這兩個互有好感的人，直到今天也依然沒機會走在一起。你或者會認為，緣份只會賜給有耐性的人，他們都太沒有久等的耐心了。
這又歸結到一個永恆的哲學命題：性格決定命運。
不是上天有意播弄，只是他們沒那種耐性去等，才讓大家不斷地擦肩而過。
而其實，天知道他們假若真的走在一起時、不會是一齣悲劇呢？
Timing不對，泛指我不是不愛你的，只是嘛，你在錯誤時刻出現在我的生命裡，你所要的東西，將來很難說，但現在的我絕對沒有能力給你，所以啊，不是你錯也不是我錯，我也感到極度無可奈何，對不起，再見。
要多好聽便說得多好聽。
其實，簡單一點地理解，就是「我已經不愛你了」。只是，塗個「Timing不對」的化妝，看起來就沒那麼負心沒那麼絕情，讓自己的下台階可以走得順滑一點吧。
這種Timing不對，九成是瞎掰的，餘下的一成，就可能是傳說中所謂的「有緣無份」了，例如以下故事的兩位主角。
這一對男女，在職場上認識時各自有另一半，第一次見面已產生了「跟這人一起或許會很好」的好感，但大家都是成年人啊，要更換身邊人，需要顧慮的東西多了，已不像後生時那麼容易那麼灑脫。
這種好感留在心裡其實也不痛不癢，而且天天都會見到對方，就當是心裡一個小秘密吧！不久，女人為了到美國深造而辭職，在farewell時喝得醉醺醺的兩人，只差那麼一點點就發生事情（甚麼事情？不用畫出腸吧！）。
女人去了美國才兩個月，兩人奇蹟地於同一日因不同理由跟伴侶分手了。得悉對方回復單身後，男人卻認為慢慢來、讓大家的傷口都癒合後才行動比較合適，至少看起來不會太猴急吧！心裡卻盤算著飛過美國給她一個驚喜。三個月後，男人靜靜抵達美國大湖區，在女人上學的地方等，準備向她示愛。
有緣無份的是，女人等著等著，看男人好像沒意思表態，自己人在外地倍感寂寞又有人熱烈追求，由single重投in a relationship的陣營，誰能怪責她呢？男人看到她擁著一個老外同學步出校門，心裡一陣酸，但，這只能歸咎自己的龜速啊！
懷著被人捷足先登之痛，男人有一段長時間沉溺在失戀的情緒之中，而他也選擇做個沉默者，沒告訴女人說自己曾去美國找她，這樣好像能保有一點風度。
一年之間，二人的聯絡次數漸漸地減少，直至女人快將回港前，向男人訴說自己跟老外同學拍拖的始末（她以為他不知道），因為她要離開美國了，於是大家就和平分手。
這分明是在探聽男人的口氣嘛！可惜，她得到的答案是：「今天是我跟女友拍拖六個月的紀念日」。
這兩個互有好感的人，直到今天也依然沒機會走在一起。你或者會認為，緣份只會賜給有耐性的人，他們都太沒有久等的耐心了。
這又歸結到一個永恆的哲學命題：性格決定命運。
不是上天有意播弄，只是他們沒那種耐性去等，才讓大家不斷地擦肩而過。
而其實，天知道他們假若真的走在一起時、不會是一齣悲劇呢？
pain
i woke up at 4 today, keep thinking about the photos i saw and the past that we had...
I thought I can handle it, I want to face it and move on...then i found out I rather not to know cuz it's too painful...
I should be happy for you..as you look so much happier than before...I think you started a new life, a happier life...but I am not happy when I know that actually...
why if that's the case I have to have all the faith? and what is god doing to me? what he want me to know?
I am really tired...really really tired..i just want to have hope, want to start again, I tried so hard to change myself and want to be a better person...and end up I still feel like a loser...
I thought I can handle it, I want to face it and move on...then i found out I rather not to know cuz it's too painful...
I should be happy for you..as you look so much happier than before...I think you started a new life, a happier life...but I am not happy when I know that actually...
why if that's the case I have to have all the faith? and what is god doing to me? what he want me to know?
I am really tired...really really tired..i just want to have hope, want to start again, I tried so hard to change myself and want to be a better person...and end up I still feel like a loser...
Go home
Did you ever have an experience that after a date, all you want to do is just go back home. You rather stay home then go out for a date? When there is a person sitting in front of you, but in your mind there is another person. That feeling is strong that ever when you with another person???
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