Unhappy night

A bit unhappy tonight. Too much information, too much that I don't want to know.

Maybe everything just have to be right timing. I don't know if I missed anything, but then it's already past, so what can I do about it?

Moreover, even two person is in love, timing, distance, job, religion, interest, personality all those problem might make it not happen. It just something too complicated and something we can predict.

Anyways, wish all the best to my dear dear friend. I am glad that she find someone she likes. I almost forgot what it like to fall in love with someone. She said that love is a mixture of sadness as well and she would prefer not having it. But actually love can make a person different. Even though I can see that she is unhappy about this relationship, I can feel she is more happier than before. Just a few months and I beleive that if he/she is yours then will be yours, we can't force and cannot control that. So I am looking forward to hear the good news.

Ex

Sometimes its wierd, even we don't like a person anymore, but we still doesn't want to see he/she holding another person's hand.

Maybe because that person is Ex. I don't know how to discribe that feeling, just there is no way I can be friends with my Ex's gf or even talk with her. I just don't know how to talk with her. Not that I still like him, just that I can feel he still want me to like him. I don't care, whatever he likes to do and whatever he thinks. Also, I totally think his gf is ugly. Maybe gals are like that, always think they are much better than their Ex's gf.

Anyways, I don't really want to see him anymore. If it's year ago, I always so looking forward to see him, but now I am so disappointed about him. I mean maybe cause I understand him more now and know what kind of person he is.

Job

I got an offer already.

Waiting

My best friend finally able to hang out with the guy she likes. I hardly heard her telling me she fall in love with a guy. This is pretty much the first time and I am happy for her, but at the same time I feel bad for her.

She been waiting for two years, well, shouldn't say waiting, but in this two years, he is the only guy she ever liked. Finally she can see him again and he is interested in her. But then she is leaving soon again and she is worry that it might be another two years for them to see again. A hope is also another disappointment. She wish she didn't see him again, then there won't be hope for her.

I told her that at least she tried and she won't feel regret, right? If she didn't even try, don't know how many years she will spend for regreting this.

I wish the best for her and hope this relationship can turn out for her =)

RED EYES

My eyes are so red again and I was so scare. I don't want ot look at the mirror and I don't want to go out. I really want to stay in Vancouver, but I worry that I cannot stay. I don't want ot be a monster. What can I do?

I feel so worry and scare and so unhappy. I think I don't deserve to live or deserve to be loved. I am worry that I can;'t even find a job cause I will be scaring people away. I wish I can be a normal person. I wish I can

HIM

I had BBT with HIM and the others today. The feeling is a bit wierd. I don't know how to explain. Maybe I am still not use to being here ( Vancouver) again, maybe I am not use to see there is a girlfriend beside HIM yet, mayb cause I am still not sure if I should stay in Vancouver yet, maybe cuz we all changed.

Everything make the whole night different. I wouldn't say it's a very unhappy night, but it is a night that will make me think of many things. Seeing other going back to school or move to other position. Everyone is having different life and new life. And even one friend is planning to get a house and get marry soon. It just....how to say...

I don't know if I should still see HIM anymore. Actually, I still feel it is a bit unrespecting me to bring his girfriend out. I am not jealous or anything, but I just feel it is not possible for me to make friends with his girlfriend and I just don't know wat to say sometime. Should I pretend nothing had happened before? Think a lot about the past again. And thinking about ......again......

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