Thank you...my little little brother

I am going to breakdown the 3 things that I feel is bothering you: career, relationship, and health.

1. Career. Not everyone (actually 90% of the population don't) gets to find a job that they truly enjoy. What people do, is that they work their asses off, and do things they enjoy on weekends and holidays. I know there are things that make u smile. Maybe taking care of kids, going out, traveling? BBQing? Singing K? Watching a Wong Sze Wah comedy show? Does it may you smile to see others smile? I see that your mood is actually quite good whenever you're about to go out, so I don't think you're a depressing person. Of course, people get depressed when they stay home in a lonely atmosphere with stupid thoughts. I get depressed too if I stay home on Friday and think about the meaning of life. Instead, I stay home and play some poker or watch a movie to keep my mind busy.

2. Relationship. It feels only yesterday when you were crying over Arthur. Who would of thought you would move on? But you did, and that's my point. It's hard for you to imagine what will happen in the future, so there is no need to worry now. I know you're saying "there is no way I can love somebody else right now!". Well, that's what you think. I promise you, you WILL meet another guy whom you will love very much, but u two maybe breakup too. So? It's a never-ending cycle and that is one of the facts of life. We go through 90% sadness just to find 10% happiness. It's short, but worth it.

3. Health. Okay, I can't comment on this. My eyes don't hurt, however my back does hurt alot. I know you're not depressed because of this, your eyes is just an extra reason to be sad. Physical pain is never as bad as mental pain. As long as you can conquer your mind, you too will find happiness in this world.

committed suicide again

My dad's best friend just committed suicide. I was a bit shock after seeing the email from my dad.

Then I found out that actually my mom didn't want me to know about it. I guess my brother and mom are just worrying about me. Actually I am ok this time, it's the second time I know someone that I know committed suicide. I don't know how to express that feeling. This time it is not as sad as last time, maybe I already got used to that sad feeling that I have not that strong feeling about it anymore.

I got a long talk with my brother and I guess he would never understand what I would feel. Maybe it's good that he is more optomistic than me, he never suffer like I do. I almost cried when I was talking with him tonight. There are so many things that I couldn't tell him that I feel so lonely sometimes and I feel life is so meaningless. I do have goals, but really so hard for me to reach and I don't want to reach it anymore. I feel life is so tiring sometimes that I do understand why ppl suicide. Everytime I think of my ex-colleague, I feel sad for her and I really hope I won't turn out to be like her.

Really really want to talk with you. I really wonder if you ever got my sms. Are you even in Vancouver? Where are you now? Are you happy now? I know you are happier without me and I don't want to bother you anymore.

The last sms I sent to you, I really didn't meant it. I mean I was just reading some old sms msg when I was thinking of the past and you. But....it's actually what I really do feel. I do miss you and need you, even you are not around. I do keep telling myself, once I was loved and I do had a great time with you. Maybe its so stupid to still beleive that you are the only one that would be with me no matter what. Maybe its so stupid to think I am still somewhere in your heart. Maybe its so stupid that I still hope one day I can see you again....

Doesn't matter....everything doesn't matter....I know being alive is already something I can do for my friends and family.

Past

I just want to move on, have a new life and forget everything in the past.

But why it is so hard, why people, things, places keep on reminding me of what I have done, what I have miss and whom I am missing?

I am so sick of it......

平凡 ~ Cherry Chan

最近，好友跟那拍拖三年的男生在東南亞的一個小島上結婚了。

好友在愛情上遇過不少曲折迂迴。甜蜜的，痛苦的，激烈的，久侯的，短暫的，通通都經歷過。結婚前跟她閒聊，她說，跟未婚夫在一起，雖然沒有驚天動地的感覺，但卻有種細水長流的平靜；沒有顯赫的背景，但卻能令她感覺找到一生一世的依靠。所以，在他於他們拍拖周年紀念日propose時，好友不需多加考慮就答應了。

婚禮很簡單，沒有大排宴席，沒有珠光寶氣，卻有著一份平凡的安逸感。穿著純白的婚紗，好友眼中滲著甜蜜，安穩的神態。

望著找到幸福的好友，我在想，有時，平凡真的是種福氣。

年輕的時候，我們總渴望激情，討厭平凡。

我們總是在不對的時間，於錯誤的地點，愛上不該愛的人，還用盡各種方法去辯解這些苦戀。

那時，我們經歷了曾經自以為是最浪漫，最甜蜜的時光。

然後，我們發現愛錯了。受過傷害，跌低，又站起來。

故事不斷在迴轉。心，一直被愛情的菱角磨蝕。

直到有一天，你恍然。原來長大了，經歷過了，才知道最平凡的感情，可能才是最幸福。

兩個人相愛，能牽手，能呼吸一樣的空氣，能互相支持，就已經足夠。

原來愛，伸手能及就好。

願好友永遠幸福快樂。

So now what?

Today I was crazily drowsy and not sure what I was doing with only 2 hrs sleep from last night.

After going to the BANK, I directly went to bed and sleep for 5 hrs. After that 5 hrs, I notice one thing and I was shock that I didn't even notice that. I keep on thinking about it, if I had it with me this morning and where it could be lost.

I went down to the parking lot and on the way to my car, so I guess now "god" decided it's time for me to let go, cuz he knows I can do it myself. Okey, then I will delete something more if I really couldn't find that. I thought of what she said last night that sort of making me couldn't go to bed last night. Don't know why I recently suspected that she must know something. I actually asked her last night and she said she really didn't know anything. Oh well, I will trust her for that I know I can't take it anymore. I am very fragile now.

Anyways, so I got home and the last chance I could ever to find it is with my clothes from yesterday. I remeber clearly that I had it with me last night.

And what??? I found it!!! So now what?

後悔的事情

每個人一生中必然會遇到一些後悔的事情，但我們必須學習如何面對它。

有時根本不容易去面對後悔的事情而繼續前進，但是我們必須迫使自己這樣做。

既然發生了，無論什麼也不能重新開始了，那我們可以做什麼？

一定會有遺憾在人的心中，每個人在一生中必會惋惜一些東西。惋惜與後悔的感覺很壞，應該說，它很可怕，但我們只能與它並存和希望不再犯同樣的錯，不再添加遺憾。

addicted to gossip girl

you don't learn a good thing till it's gone and found someone else~ gossip girl