In Pain

Just haven't talk with you for a day make me painful, I hate to see that you have been using whatsapp, but did not even leave a message for me.

Sometimes I would ask myself am I demanding? I don't know, I don't have position to ask you for anything.

I have a lot of stuffs in my mind. I really hope you would love me again, but I can feel you are walking further and further toward the other end. There are many things that you are not open up with me ( even though you are never an open up person, I always hope I can know you better ) I remember last time you told me you cannot give what I want, it is not a marriage, a future, but just a relationship ( an official relationship). Every time when I think of it, I feel bad about myself. The song that you played the car is it to tell me that I am just lying to myself? I just pretend I don't know doesn't mean it is not happening?

I think I really trying hard in this relationship, I want to be together with you even there are lots of obstacles and uncertainty about future, but are you on the same page with me? I tried not to give you too much pressure, try not to think about your feelings toward me. All I want to do is to spend time with you and enjoy all the moments we can. I tried to avoid all the unhappy topics and I know I have failed sometimes. But sometimes you are giving me too much hopes that I have fantasize that we are going to work out and you like me. Every time when I see you, the feeling is so true and I almost believed in it. Even you always try to avoid the responsibility by asking me if I want you to spend time with me or if you should come see me, but seriously if you don’t want to see me, you would ask those questions. It is just your excuse to not commit to this relationship. Given this point, I don’t know if I should consider this as a big problem because you are a person that I love because you are a responsible person and you would love and care about me no matter what happened to me and you would never want to hurt me. But are you the same person? You are not anymore and should I still drag this on and give myself hopes? I don’t know. The way you kissed me is so addictive and the hugs you gave me is so warm that I have forgotten what is right or wrong.

I said I don’t care about other girls around you and it is true still, in a relationship (well even thought we are not in a real one) but I believe there should be TRUST and I trust you and believe that you won’t want to hurt me.