Lost

I feel lost again in life. I don't know what I am doing, what I really want, who am I...I feel so lost. The only thing i know is I miss you, but I start to don't even know if I should miss you.

Who can help me? Who can save me?

You know sometimes I would hope something terrible happen to me, so I will see you again. I know that's really stupid. I don't know why when I am weak I always think of you, but at the same time I know the you I miss do not exist anymore. I don't know how long I will struggle with it. I know if anyone know I am like this, they would laugh. Who would beleive that I am actually so stupid and so weak? Sometimes I really want to thanks you for teaching me to be so strong, I think I am stronger than a man sometimes. I can do a lot of stuff that men can't even do and I am not that weak little princess that need protection anymore. But inside my heart I really wish when I am tired, someone would give his hand to me and say that don't worry, he will take care of me. So many times I cried on the street when I feel so stressed out.

At night when I feel cold I would ask myself where is that man that would notice I would actually kick my blanket off? I wish in the morning there would be breakfast and a love note on the table. I wish if my hair is wet someone will blow dry for me. I wish someone would say I am stupid and do things for me. I wish someone would say I am pretty even I am not wearing make up. I wish when I am sick, someone would hold my hands and tell me that he is beside me. If there is a guy like that in this world, I beleive I would never let him go.

After the tears came down from my eyes, I wish I can have a good sleep tonight. Tomorrow is another day. I know I can do it and I am a very tough person.