pain

i woke up at 4 today, keep thinking about the photos i saw and the past that we had...

I thought I can handle it, I want to face it and move on...then i found out I rather not to know cuz it's too painful...

I should be happy for you..as you look so much happier than before...I think you started a new life, a happier life...but I am not happy when I know that actually...

why if that's the case I have to have all the faith? and what is god doing to me? what he want me to know?

I am really tired...really really tired..i just want to have hope, want to start again, I tried so hard to change myself and want to be a better person...and end up I still feel like a loser...